The after party was a little too big and it is apparent that Haggard and R.Diddy cannot party like they used to, only now getting around to announcing the 2012 CBAB Awards. Mental note to make sure the Breakers get enough awards. We don’t want their media writing another article on how they got jipped at another awards night.
You can find a list of previous winners here.
Without further ado, here are the 2012 CBAB Award winners.
The Ugly Ball Room Award:
The league is full of ugly players, those players wear some ugly outfits but only ten contracted players plus two development players get to call the ugliest place to play basketball their own.
Fan Vote: For the second year in a row the fans have voted in the Breaker’s North Shore Events Centre. Receiving an alarming 50% of the votes. On the bright side, that is 25% less than last season’s poll. Positive stuff for the Breakers.
CBAB Vote: We decided to go in a different direction. Yes, North Shore is very unpleasant on the eye but the Breakers did play games at the beautiful Vector Arena this season. This year we give the award to the Gold Coast Convention Centre. Why? Apart from lacking a little something on the TV screen it uses two different shades of blue, both of them different to the shade on the Blaze’s uniforms. It makes for a potent optical blue cocktail that is too just too much to handle.
The Ugly Ball Dress Award:
To go to the ball you must wear a dress. Your dress is a reflection on who you are as a person and what everyone else thinks of you as a player. So put your mouthguard in and pucker up, it’s time to announce whose ball dress is the ugliest.
Fan Vote: With just under a third of the fans vote the Cairns Taipans have run away with the award for 2012. If this is a revolt on the colour orange then we must change our logo colours quick.
CBAB Vote: Adelaide should take this one because their “Unleash SOLAR” sponsor logo on the front is as big, if not bigger than the “ADELAIDE” text below it which makes for an interesting blend of primary colours, however the Blaze end up taking this one out for the second year in a row; and for the same reason. Everything on it is just too big. The word “Blaze”, the player number, all too big, their sponsor even takes up three lines of text. Gold coast, say it with us…. “Negative space”. Try using it next season.
The Toasted Marshmallow Award:
Everyone knows someone like this, and every team has at least one person like this. This award goes to the guy thinks they are tough (hard on the outside) but in reality they are soft. These type of guys will pretend they are ok with not winning an award but will cry to their mothers when the night is done.
Fan Vote: So many nominations, but only one winner. The Blaze are cleaning up the awards so far. Mark Worthington takes the crown off ‘ball thrower’ Brad Robbins and ‘name caller’ Tyson Demos. Wortho scored 17% of votes for this award and should take this as a cue to hit the gym in the off season.
CBAB Vote: Where ever there is a kerfuffle starts on the court Tommy Greer is there. Whenever a kerfuffle is ended it is because Greer is laying on the floor. Do the maths; it usually ends up with Greer clanging two free throws before inbounding it from half way. If an Alex Loughton chest up can floor you then you are pretty weak.
Don’t Fake the Funk Award:
Each season it seems like there are fewer candidates in the running to be the league’s highest flyer; and at this rate this award will become redundant, melted down and scrapped for gold.
Fan Vote: Jerai Grant bought some much needed athleticism into the league and was a clear fan favourite above the ring. Grant racked up over 50% of all votes and that includes the vote for Adris Deleon and the votes for Nic Naitanui.
CBAB Vote: Even Jesse Wagstaff will have to agree that Grant was the best of a weak pool.
Tools are Useful Award:
You tell your mates that you hate this guy, hate his game and hate his sister too but deep down you know he would make your team better. This award goes to that guy.
Fan Vote:Wouldn’t you know it, Mark Worthington and Shawn Redhage share the award this year. Wortho edged out Red Dawg last year but managed to do enough this year to share with the benchmark.
CBAB Vote: CJ Bruton. Yes the guy is getting on but with CJ on your team that is one less dagger he will hit against you.
Take Home to Meet Mamma Award:
Mama always said you were gonna meet a nice man and the guys you voted are are some of the nicest guys in the league. This was really a trick question as we now know which player you guys are crushing on.
Fan Vote: Known for their tenacious defence the fans voted the Perth Wildcats starting back court as the nicest in the league. Damian Martin and Kevin Lisch have that boy band look and you guys want to hear them sing that tune you swear was written for you.
CBAB Vote: My parents swear I have a crush on Kevin Lisch but he doesn’t get the CBAB nod. Cairns Taipans guard, Jamar Wilson does. It is no secret that Jamar’s smile is infectious and when Jamar smiles the whole arena smiles back with him. My mum has a tendency to be highly strung, Jamar’s smile would be enough to make her chill.
Nacho Libre Award:
We all can’t be blesses with Ben Allen’s natural talent and charming good looks. Some of us have one out of two but most of us have zero out of two. Here is the awards for the NBL’s ugliest (Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder; therefore if the masses think you are ugly you can always use the ‘I have inner beauty’ clause).
Fan Vote: Wade Helliwell edged out Gary Wilkinson by a long way…. It wasn’t even close. Despite not even stepping on to the court this season Russell Hinder still scored a vote.
CBAB vote: Wade Helliwell would be the obvious decision but truth is Helliwell sightings were rare this season as he spent a lot of time hidden deep on the bench. Gary Wilkinson however, with one in two photos of ‘Agent Orange’ published caught in that really unflattering Pac Man face it was more than the eyes could bear. Say what you want about it though, Gingers do have souls.
Resident Stockbroker Award:
Given to the player who by their standard had the most mundane season, their games were ‘all ordinaries’ and they are glad to see the season out albeit with a smaller portfolio.
Fan Vote: Ron Dorsey was a high flying hero last season but this season voted at the most ordinary. Was it the change in local, did he have trouble fitting in to a new system or did he just decide it was easier to jack up three ball after three ball this season?
CBAB Vote: We agree with the fans. Ron Dorsey this season played himself into ‘Gone Dorsey’.
Been Short Changed Award:
Some players get looked after by the refs *cough- CJ- cough* others just can’t get a break and spend half their time on the court looking at their coach with a confused face wondering how they got whistled for that one.
Fan Vote: He was only voted the best player in the league but the fans decided that the refs made his quest for NBL supremacy even harder. Lisch has been cited many times driving to the hoop only to get monstered on the play receiving no love from the authorities.
CBAB Vote: Remember Mike English? That poor fellow got fouled out in every game in his NBL Career. Mind you the Blaze import only played one game before getting axed, fouling out 39 seconds shy of nothing up 18 minutes of NBL action. For the record he went 0-5 from the field, that is one foul for every missed shot.
And the Rest (CBAB’s Best)
Anyone remember Corey ‘Homicide’ Williams? With the Corey Hotline no longer in the league no one really knew who to give their own award to.
Vanessa O gives the Perth Wildcats the “Most Affectionate Award” because they cannot keep their hands off each other. Hey Vanessa, with guys like Marto and Lischy, can you blame them?
Someone who didn’t leave their name gave Rob Beveridge the “Who ate all the pies Award” because Rob has apparently stacked on some weight since taking the reins at the club.
DC wants to give the Breakers an award, just so they stop complaining.
Mrs Haggard gives Wortho the “Proudest Dad” award. Mark does seem to be a very proud dad and as one proud dad to another, I say well done Mark. Mrs Haggard also gave you the “Most whipped by his wife award”. I’m glad I didn’t win that one.
Carol MacKenzie gives Alex Loughton the “Should have been a Wella Woman (“cause you can tell a Wella woman by the way she wears her hair”) Award”
Ron Dorsey got a few awards handed to him by the fans, some of the better ones were “Beyond Idiocy (the player who prefers to take off-balance three point shots rather than doing the one thing that makes them a standout player, attack the hoop” from Wickzki and Mookie issues the “Passenger Award” obviously because Ron was just here for the ride.
LachieGaff tells us that he loves the Brisbane Bullets but still enjoys reading our Wildcats bias site.
And Mr bEn gives the ‘How Are You Here’ Award – tie between Tom Garlepp and Alex Gynes. Mr bEn is obviously a disgruntled Blaze fan.