2011 CBAB Awards

The high-tops have been traded for crocodile shoes, the mothball smelling suits donned and the tartan ties our dads pre-tied for us put on. It’s time to get into the limo, pick up our dates, find baby sitters for the kids and party like its April 2011 because it’s the inaugural CBABies. 

Enough about that, get to what is important… the free bar…. Err, we mean The Awards

The ballroom is where it all happens, the lights are dimmed, the music turned up to eleven and blokes who are wearing the same outfit become best mates for the evening whilst the cheerleaders complain to anyone that listens “I can’t believe she wore the same thing I did”. Some people spike the punch, maybe it is to mask the ugly ballroom, but at the end of the day there is can only one winner of our inaugural Ugly Ballroom Award

Fan Vote: It comes as no surprise that the Breakers North Shore Events Centre was the clear runaway winner. With three in every four people voting for the not so iconic venue no other team’s venue realistically stood a chance

CBAB Vote: Much like the fans CBAB voted in the same way. Not having seen the events centre on the north shore we can only go off what it looks like on the television. The dark wood flooring with more courts mapped out than any other venue is not only unsightly, it’s also slippery (depending on who you ask). Also where do they put the crowd? On the TV you can only see a wall.

To go to the ball you must wear a dress. Your dress is a reflection on who you are as a person and what everyone else thinks of you as a player. So put your mouthguard in and pucker up, its time to announce whose ball dress is the ugliest. 

Fan Vote: Edging out the Townsville Crocs uniform which had 21% of all the votes was the Melbourne Tigers get up which amassed 24%. Do you guys realise that the current Tigers jersey no longer has Asian writing on it? Sure they are an ugly team but that shouldn’t have any bearing on how you voted.

CBAB Vote: This season the uniforms have made a huge improvement when compared to last season. But this season the Gold Coast Blaze gets the nod. Now they aren’t the victors because of the teal colour scheme, we do realise the need for at least one team to wear teal in every professional sporting league. It’s the writing on the singlet that lets the Blaze down, “Gold Coast” is so tiny  you need a microscope  to read it and the “Blaze” text is so big it looks like it was

made for a uniform twice its size.

Everyone knows someone like this, and every team has at least one person like this. This award goes to the guy thinks they are tough (hard on the outside) but in reality they are soft. These type of guys will pretend they are ok with not winning an award but will cry to their mothers when the night is done.

Fan Vote: The Fans gave it to the ball thrower and the name caller. Brad Robbins led the way with 12% of votes tying with Tyson Demos who also had 12%. I get the feeling season 2010/11 is going to remembered for this and not for Ben Allen having one too many late nights or Wollongong dressing their assistant coach.

Matty Knight also gets an honourable mention for baking cupcakes; and no, that is not code for anything. 

CBAB Vote: Trevor Gleeson, if you are going to knock over a referee, do it properly.

Bring your ID to get in, this award goes to the highest of the high fliers in this league.  Got Air? These guys certainly do. 

Fan Vote: Thomas Abercrombie alley-ooped 33% of all fan votes making him the Sultan of the Slam this year. Now which voters wasted your votes on Rosell Ellis, Graham Dann and Andre Brown? I didn’t realise these guys were still capable of finishing above the rim. 

CBAB Vote: The fans have spoken, it was either going to be between Abercrombie or Ron Dorsey anyway.

The league has its villains and the guys you love to hate, but this award goes to the guy you hate but secretly want on your team.

Fan Vote: Mark Worthington had a relatively quiet season when it came to brain farts but that didn’t stop you guys from voting him as the biggest tool you want playing for you. Shawn Redhage came in second. Get well soon Red-dawg, the fans want you on their team. Mark we’ll send your award when we get your postcard from Puerto Rico. 

CBAB Vote: As Wildcats fans we feel quite blessed with the talented roster we have. That doesn’t stop us from wanting a sniper with Kirk Penney range. As Penney isn’t a tool we have to pick someone else. Fans love to see the athleticism in Ater Majok, though this guy doesn’t pay his bills and has some serious tickets on himself we don’t mind the vibe the crowd gets when he is soaring looking to swat a shot. If any kinks can be ironed out of his game we are sure Bevo could do it.

 Mama always said you were gonna meet a nice man and the guys you voted are are some of the nicest guys in the league. This was really a trick question as we now know which player you guys are crushing on. 

Fan Vote: The fans obviously have a fascination with the Wild Wild West with resident cowboy Damian Martin taking out this award with an alarming 27% of total votes. Deputy Sherriff Steve Weigh came in second a long way behind.

CBAB Vote: When we think nice we think Kevin Lisch and we’ll give Kevin the award the season due to some interesting search engine searches that popped up in our website tools. Either Kevin googles himself or you guys have a serious fascination with him

We are certain this thought has crossed the minds of just about everyone who has watched any sport. Some guys are so ugly they should wear a mask. Not everyone was blessed with the pretty gene and here the results that suggest these guys weren’t.

 

Fan Vote: with one quarter of total fan votes Tiger Wade Helliwell wins. It may come as a surprise to James Harvey but his pool cleaning 2IC Chris Goulding came in second tying with Russell Hinder with a lazy 12% each.

CBAB Vote: The Melbourne Tigers take out the trifecta. Helliwell, Tragardh & Devendorf (remember him). Devendorf was a good signing for this league and we personally would like to see a few more college stars get signed in the league.

Given to the player who by their standard had the most mundane season, their games were ‘all ordinaries’ and they are glad to see the season out albeit with a smaller portfolio. 

Fan Vote: Kevin Lisch probably wasn’t that happy with his season and neither were the fans, they ranked Kevin the highest along with Tiger recruit Cam Tragardh with 9% each. 

CBAB Vote: this one is close for us, Stephen Hoare had a sketchy season and Cam Trgardh was half the player he was at the ‘Gong. Russell Hinder is also slowing down at a rapid pace, this is one tough selection. Stephen Hoare is only a role player, Russell Hinder may have been a Boomer but that in some lean years and because he played for Gorj but as season ago Tragadh was the Hawks team leader and was spoken about in MVP talk, but look at him now, a very average season, but that will happen when your coach wants to play you out of position.  

Some players get looked after by the refs *cough- CJ- cough* others just can’t get a break and spend half their time on the court looking at their coach with a confused face wondering how they got whistled for that one.

Fan Vote: You guys thought that the Wildcats and Breakers are the hardest done by in the league with Brad Robbins, Andre Brown, Ater Majok, Shawn Redhage, Dillon Boucher and Mika Vukona all getting 6% of votes. Mika Vukona, seriously? Have you seen the amount of illegal screens he does that go unwhistled?

CBAB Vote: This is probably the hardest one for us this season. We have seen some terrible calls made all season but they have only affected a player of a team for that particular game. Reaching into the barrel Jeremiah Trueman take out this prestigious award. Why? Jeremiah is not one to make a scene or one to draw attention to himself and it goes unnoticed. Next time Jeremiah is on the court, watch him for a few minutes. 

We promised @catsmedia that he was getting an award and here it is: Most likely to reply to a CBAB tweet

Mrs Haggard gives Kevin Lisch the “sexiest sexy award” because of the abovementioned internet searches (she swears it wasn’t her) and for the huge billboard on Nicholson Road

Jimmy gives Luke Schenscher the “Suddenly found some game award” because he “had none last year”.  Jimmy is obviously a Wildcats fan.

Another award for Homicide is the “No ring circus award” which Jungle Welcome presents to the player who attracts the most attention for being a complete clown, yet will never lead his team to a championship. 

Murray issues the “Boy that Cries Wolf Award” to Homicide, because of all the lies he has said on Twitter no one believes him anymore. In fact their were so many nominations that included the words “Homicide” and “Twit” that we can’t possible name them all. Amelia and Elphinkiller both had some good ones.