Well, well, well. Didn’t the season’s end sneak up on us real quick? It’s about time we got our collective act together an finally give out the awards everyone forgot about.
Without further ado, here are the 2013 CBAB Award winners.
The Ugly Ball Room Award:
The league is full of ugly players, those players wear some ugly outfits but only ten contracted players plus two development players get to call the ugliest place to play basketball their own.
Fan Vote: For the first time we have a draw. The Queensland teams rule supreme. Both Townsville and Cairns share the honours this season with a combined 46% of total votes. Don’t worry Crocs, the Snakes have never won this before, so, isn’t your first time supposed to be better with a friend?
CBAB Vote: Speaking of the Crocs, we don’t mind Townsville’s strip, after all, take one more good look at it, it could be gone next season. Perth Arena, fantastic stadium, you just wouldn’t know it was the Perth Wildcats home court. Where are the logos? Where is the red colour? Thank the basketball lords that the Breakers are playing more games act Vector Arena therefore we get a reprieve from the North Shore Events Centre.
The Ugly Ball Dress Award:
To go to the ball you must wear a dress. Your dress is a reflection on who you are as a person and what everyone else thinks of you as a player. So put your mouthguard in and pucker up, it’s time to announce whose ball dress is the ugliest.
Fan Vote: The 36ers have looked terrible on the court this season, and it hasn’t been solely because of their win/loss record. The people have spoken and the 36ers jersey just isn’t cool.
CBAB Vote: Now we don’t mind Townsville’s strip, after all, take one more good look at it, it could be gone next season. But the Hawks, no discredit to them, but those uniforms just might be cursed. A terrible season injury-wise, If was Mili Simic, I’d be looking at anything to try to shake that injury bug.
The Toasted Marshmallow Award:
Everyone knows someone like this, and every team has at least one person like this. This award goes to the guy thinks they are tough (hard on the outside) but in reality they are soft. These type of guys will pretend they are ok with not winning an award but will cry to their mothers when the night is done.
Fan Vote: With Wortho and Robbo out of the league, you guys just didn’t know who to vote for. There were some votes for ‘the whole league’ and one for the cutie-pie that is Kylie Armour. Luckily for Tyson Demos, enough people voted for him so he won’t go home empty-handed.
CBAB Vote: We agree with the fans, the who league could do with a shot of concrete, Maybe the NBL and BA powers that be deserve it as they tend to go missing when the league needs them most, but we give our award to Demos too.
Don’t Fake the Funk Award:
Each season it seems like there are fewer candidates in the running to be the league’s highest flyer; and at this rate this award will become redundant, melted down and scrapped for gold.
Fan Vote: Lance Hurdle edges out Serial Dunker, Thomas Abercrombie in the dunk stakes. Hurdle’s season was cut short due to injury, but one thing is clear, he is an exciting player and we love watching him soar up high, preferably off a Rhys Martin lob pass. Thanks to the fans though, there was probably at least one vote for the handful of people who actually did dunk it this season.
CBAB Vote: Just to be different to the fans, Thomas Abercrombie for us.
Tools are Useful Award:
You tell your mates that you hate this guy, hate his game and hate his sister too but deep down you know he would make your team better. This award goes to that guy.
Fan Vote: Again, with Wortho out of the league, it was a one horse race. Clearly Shawn Redhage is the one dude you guys want on your team but will never admit it.
CBAB Vote: CJ Bruton. Yes the guy is seriously old now, but with CJ on your team that is one less dagger he will hit against you. Even when that dagger comes after falling over himself and dribbling out of control.
Take Home to Meet Mamma Award:
Mama always said you were gonna meet a nice man and the guys you voted are some of the nicest guys in the league. This was really a trick question as we now know which player you guys are crushing on.
Fan Vote: Is there anyone who doesn’t like Damian Martin? The smiling assassin takes the fan’s honour for the third season in a row.
CBAB Vote: Peter Crawford. Though he has his moments of bemusement on the court, pretending to not understand the call the refs made he is a class act on the social media. The nice to tweets sent to us when he appreciates our photoshopping is enough for you to take this award.
Nacho Libre Award:
We all can’t be blesses with Ben Allen’s natural talent and charming good looks. Some of us have one out of two but most of us have zero out of two. Here is the awards for the NBL’s ugliest (Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder; therefore if the masses think you are ugly you can always use the ‘I have inner beauty’ clause).
Fan Vote: You guys didn’t like the Crocs court and it turns out you don’t like the appearance of their bigs. Luke Nevill and Rusty Hinder share the honour.
CBAB vote: It was close. Apparently only Brad Robbins has a ‘stupid beard’. Will Hudson’s and Larry Davidson’s, though ugly are ok. What gives Davidson the edge is that the bandana simply has to go.
Resident Stockbroker Award:
Given to the player who by their standard had the most mundane season, their games were ‘all ordinaries’ and they are glad to see the season out albeit with a smaller portfolio.
Fan Vote: Cam Tragardh edges out Perth Wildcats Cam Tovey and Kevin Lisch. Tragardh, though he picked up his game late didn’t have the season him, his coach, his fans were expecting, but hey, basketball is like that. Show them how you roll next season.
CBAB Vote: We agree with the fans. Cam Tragardh this season played himself into ‘Cam Tragone’.
Been Short Changed Award:
Some players get looked after by the refs *cough- CJ- cough* others just can’t get a break and spend half their time on the court looking at their coach with a confused face wondering how they got whistled for that one.
Fan Vote: Not many people work as hard to get a rebound or loose ball as Greg Hire and the fansd feel like he got the raw end of the deal. One thing is you will never find Greggy sooking about that, he’s too busy trying to get the next one.
CBAB Vote: Kevin Lisch was tagged a lot more aggressively this season, Lischy bumped and grinded his way for very possession but he did not get as short changed as Greg Hire. If fouls were given for hustle alone, Hire wouldn’t be out there long.
And the Rest (CBAB’s Best)
And now let’s go to the fans.
It appears that the Hawks and Wildcats fans are still going at it. Deaksey issues the” Brad Robbins Memorial Award for Best on Court Pain in the Arse” to Ben Madgen because he is “always involved in incidents” and cussy in turn issues the “The Hippo-crite Award” to Hawks fans, for always complaining about other teams “dog acts” yet when the tables are turned, they seem to forget what they’d previously complained about.” C’mon guys, none of this. Let’s just agree that all the other teams suck the most, and that their fans are even worse.
A gives the “Best Flopper” to Dillion Boucher.
Ben Madgen received an array of awards from people who used the words “chairman” or “chair”. Prawn has a good one, as did Poppa and pHantoM (don’t know why the H & M are capitalised).
Howelsieee gives Greg Hire the “Step Ladder Award” for the “player who has stepped up the most”
And, finally, Clarky gave us this gem, had us at the CBAB offices laughing. Diddy even peed his pants
The Jimmy McNulty Award:
For fans of HBO’s ‘The Wire’ – Jimmy McNulty had a catch phrase of “what the f— did I do?”, so this award goes to the player who (in their eyes) has not committed a foul during the season.
And the winner is…..
Glen Saville!
Click here to see all the past CBAB Award winners
